


I wonder if I'll ever let go

by thesassykels66



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute, Domestic, Face Masks, Facials, Fluff, Sweet, Tea, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 02:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13754106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: Dan comes home from a long day of speeches and talks, putting on brave faces and shuffling through his cue-cards. Feeling all that weight of trying so hard, and succeeding, wash away when he finds Phil wearing a face mask.





	I wonder if I'll ever let go

**Author's Note:**

> Dan's little story of how his time at Stop Speak Support made him feel exhausted as there was so much pressure on him, so I decided to take my own little spin towards what he was feeling when he came home that day.

He could feel his cheeks burn with the strain of keeping them so tight. His jaw locked from gritting his teeth so hard, and a slight headache brewing behind his forehead from the amounts of pressure he had endured. Dan loved the campaign and where he stood as an ambassador for something so important. He loved putting all his passion and voice into something he wished he had when he was in school. A voice he wished he could hear swim in through one ear and out the next, knowing secretly it would stick with him forever. If twenty-six-year-old Dan Howell could fulfill at least one hole in an empty kid's life and pursuing important notes and messages about mental health, he'd be more than honored, and finally happy about what he's achieving in life. 

But, he couldn't pretend that he wasn't exhausted. Dan felt like the iron in his blood pooled in his feet and his spine couldn't keep him up straight. It was incredibly overwhelming taking on a project at such late notice and being pushed to be the lead of it all. Talking to and in front of people, preparing interviews and speeches, wanting and hoping and striving that it all turned out perfect; the pressure of it all was banging around inside his head. It was a miracle he could even stand and take photos towards the end, or even firmly shake the Duke of Cambridge's hand for the last time that day. Dan's mind was soupy and his public mask was wearing thin.  He was even surprised of himself not completely falling asleep in the car ride home, although he couldn't remember the actual drive itself. 

Dan jammed the key into the slot and unlocked the door, hearing shuffled feet from upstairs. He closed the door rather loudly to make a presence. 

"Dan?"

"Hi." He said, his voice low and tired. 

"What are-- how are you?" Phil's voice sounded concerned. Dan knew he wasn't  _that_ good at detecting Dan's mood the first thing he walked through the door. 

"I'm fine." His bag was dumped onto the floor and his hand met the railing to the stairs, his body practically levitating up towards its next goal: the couch. 

"Uh, don't come up quite yet okay?"

Dan blew a laugh from his nose, smiling, "Why?"

"I-it's a surprise?" 

"Phil,"

"Just give me a sec!" He could hear Phil's exaggerated clown feet march into the bathroom and closed the door. Dan didn't listen and made his way up the stairs, seeing there was nothing Phil could be hiding as a "surprise". 

His body nearly melted into the fabric of the couch, he let out a deep groan from his throat. Washing away the day as he closed his eyes, breathing heavy layered breaths as he heard Phil emerge from the bathroom. Feeling him take his seat next to Dan on the couch. Dan had no intention on opening his eyes quite yet, until he could smell a familiar scent of avocado, lemon and mint. He peeked through his eyelids to see Phil's hair quaffed back and with a chunky green face, nearly grimacing. Dan smiled helplessly. 

"You put it on wrong." He mumbled, closing his eyes again and laying his head back. 

"Is there a wrong way to put on a face mask?"

Dan chuckled, "Well it's not supposed to be chunky like that, it won't settle well." 

"Is it supposed to burn?" 

"Tingle. Not burn." Dan was already done with talking, but talking with Phil was of the exception. 

"Maybe I'll just rinse it off, I tried." 

"You could've just waited for me, y'know. How many times have I asked you if you wanted a facial?"

Dan could feel the heat from Phil's fingertips grazing against his pants, "It would've messed up my skin routine." 

Dan snorted, "So you decided to try in the middle of the day? See if somehow it would bring miracles?" He opened his eyes and saw Phil pouting, cracking his mask towards his lips and his forehead. He laughed again. 

"I'll just go wash it off." 

"Do you want me to help you?"

"No." Followed Phil, making his way down the stairs. Dan really didn't want to leave his spot on the couch, he felt too heavy to move. But he couldn't deny that a face mask and sweat pants didn't also sound like the height of relaxation. When he slowly entered the en-suite Phil's face was bare and wet, perfectly freckled like it always was. 

"You're supposed to smooth it out with this," He held up a small wooden scoop that looked like a rounded edged knife on the opposing side. Dan unscrewed the lid to his expensive organic face paste and applied it to the spatula, smearing it across Phil's forehead and cheeks. Phil giggled. 

"How was the thing?"

"It was alright. I think it went well." Dan said completely monotone. He didn't mean for it to escape his lips sounding like that, but the weight behind his eyes and the chains on his legs begged to differ. He couldn't even remember where he was that day. 

"Was the Prince one-day King William still pretty?" Phil cocked up an eyebrow. Dan attempted to roll his eyes, but they stayed still and motionless. He smoothed out the butter-like paste and filled in the gaps along his skin. Phil's eyes softened as he brought a hand to cup Dan's cheek. Dan's movements slowed as he melted to the warm touch. "You okay?" He spoke softly. 

Dan forced himself to nod, even though he felt like he could pass out right then and there. It was as if a switch was flicked and Dan's entire demeanor changed. Talking and giggling one second then standing sluggishly in their bathroom with no emotion. The feeling was definitely not a stranger, but he silently hated how captivating it suddenly was. 

He smoothed out Phil's face and watched Phil look himself in the mirror. Admiring the well crafted texture. Dan mixed the paste in the container and tucked his poofy hair up from out of his face and spread the green mask across his skin. Phil's hands cupped his forearms. 

"Come upstairs when you're done, yeah?" He spoke slow and quiet, bringing his lips close to Dan's ear, "You deserve some rest, you worked hard today." 

Dan shuffled out a reply and Phil was gone, leaving him alone spreading an avocado and mint exfoliate across his face, watching himself in the mirror. He felt the room begin to swim in his vision, and a heaviness built on his shoulders. He capped the formula of the face mask and washed the scoop, finding himself take each step one at a time until he finally reached the couch again. 

He didn't want to fight the feeling that was overcoming him. It was a deadening but nice feeling. A feeling of all the stress and the pressure of the project evaporate and leave a gaping heavy hole in his chest. It was numbing, not having to feel a single pang of guilt or stress or anxiety. Phil handed him a cup of tea and he held it in his hands. Recognizing the warmth and having his mind only focus on that, as everything else seemed so blurry to focus on. 

"You alright?" He heard Phil say, sipping lightly from his own mug. 

"Mmm," Was all Dan could manage. 

"You sure? You haven't made one Shrek joke since I've had this mask on." 

Dan stifled a laugh, sipping lightly on his tea. "'M just tired," he mumbled. 

Moments passed and Dan found himself more and more lost in his swimming thoughts. The tingle of the face mask and the warm pressure of Phil's leg pressed against his were the only things keeping his eyes fixed on singular objects: The tv was on but he couldn't understand what was happening, the coffee table had papers and pamphlets and Phil's laptop, even Phil's feet nestled onto the little poof adjacent their sofa, moving his toes ever so slightly. But Dan's thoughts alone couldn't comprehend words. He knew long passages of time were passing, but he couldn't tell for how long. When Phil stood up, Dan's entire plane shifted, feeling an absence. He locked eyes with Phil, whose hand was extended. 

"C'mon, let's wash this off." 

Warm water dripped from both of their faces, Phil patting himself dry with a towel as Dan gazed at himself in the mirror, not recognizing himself. His eyes were looking back but he couldn't look through them, even Phil in the mirror looked slightly disoriented. He watched Phil sigh slightly, petting softly against Dan's back and made him pat his own face dry. 

Phil led him back to the couch, tucking him in under blankets and stuffing pillows behind his back. It felt like he was in a warm cocoon, all tight and snuggled up and completely safe. He closed his eyes and watched patterns dance across the darkness of his eyelids. Reliving the images and the shadows that the day had brought. It felt like a dream and that somehow Dan was still in bed. He drew into the comfort and had no hold of the reigns in his mind. Sharp imaginings playing, making him believe of the right things he might've done wrong. Or the day itself possibly never happened and he dreamed of the whole day. There was a sudden ball of stress building tight in his chest, but he felt too incredibly heavy and comfortable to wake up from it. 

He must have been showing distress on his face as Phil's nimble fingers found the sides of his temples, rubbing gently. The pads of his finger tips slowly massaging their way through Dan's hair and against his scalp. His nails scratching lightly. "Just let go Dan, it's okay. You did it. It's done, and you did well." Phil whispered sweetly, making an effort of a lazy rhythm, "I'm proud of you." A gentle kiss caressed the side of his forehead. 

Dan felt a small smile inch its way across his lips. He felt his head lean against Phil's shoulder as he exhaled a long breath, giving in to the warmth and the fuzziness of his mind. Taking meditation breaths and losing himself to the feeling of Phil's fingers parade their way through his hair, and falling slowly into a fatigued, well deserved sleep.


End file.
